Here at Cats4Gold we’ve just been notified by the Purrlice that we may have been the victims of hacking. And we’re not talking furrballs.
We were beginning to wonder why so many people seemed able to guess precisely how many cats they’d get for their gold. Now, it seems, the cat is out of the bag. Despite our ultra-high security furrwall, we’ve been hacked!
Who are the pawpetrators?
There are all sorts of theories and furries about who the culprits might be. But the paw of suspicion is pointing emphatically in one direction. Yes, you’ve guessed: we blame Rupert Purrdoch and Mews International.
Here at Tibbles Towers, we’ve been registering strange clicks on our mobile phones, sudden surges on our servers and an irresistible desire to lick in some rather private places. The latter phenomenon is nothing unusual, but the first two had us worried.
Sniff and search
We’ve suspected that purrivate detectives were ‘pinging’ our mobiles – pinpointing our location somewhere between the bush that smells of catnip and the neighbour’s house where there’s a recklessly unattended bowl of Whiskas.
Just as worrying, our emails have almost certainly been interfurrred with. How else do you explain the online order for five kilos of Bonio?
Cats4Gold is now expecting to provide evidence for a Purrliamentary Select Committee. And we’re demanding action! We’re expecting heads to roll, cats to roll over and people to make strange cooing noises (so no change there).
In the meantime, you can rest assured that Cats4Gold has stepped up security. The instant your gold arrives, it will be wrapped in newspaper which our cats will promptly lie on, ensuring no one can read that interesting article or discover where Janice on p3 has her peculiar birthmark.
We’ll be stepping up our local pawtrols, especially at night, and increasing our mewsical warning alerts that all the neighbours seem to enjoy so much, especially at 3am.
And we’ll be introducing extra precautions for our top secret gold-to-cat weighing sessions, by closing the flap on our High Security Covered Litter Tray (can’t a puss have some privacy? Purrlease!).
Don’t worry, faithful followers. We may be hacked, pinged and relentlessly purrsued, but Cats4Gold will prevail. You read it here first.